Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Post ND Race & Things that Make you Go "EW"-- Marathon Style

Fargo Marathon
MB and I ran the Fargo Marathon this weekend in, well, Fargo! I'll be putting up my race ratings soon, but just a little bit about the race:
-Fargo <3s Marathons: I'm pretty sure this is the biggest things this... city? (farms pushed together closely) has going on in the year, because literally EVERYBODY is outside watching. There wasn't more than a few hundred feet that you would go without having people around. Also, all the restaurants, hotels, etc have "welcome marathoners" signs and there is a meet a greet table in their airport.
-Course: FLAT ... I've never seen such a flat course. If you're a big fan of flat (I'm NOT) this would be your race.
-Swag: Swag is killer here, they give you a long sleeve half zip shirt that is great. The medal is awesome (pictures to come).

Things that Make you go "EW"-- Marathon Edition:
I had a long hot run yesterday. After passing out on my rug in front of the AC for about 10 minutes, I decided it was time to take a shower and get rid of the caked on sweat... ewww. When I pulled my hair tie out, the amount of water that wrung out with it, was just absurd! Easily a cup of water (sounds better than sweat) ... and thats with SHORT hair! It got me thinking... runners are just plain gross. And you know, the more I explain running habits to non-runners, the more gross I realize we are...

Here are my top 10 "Things that Make you go EW" Marathon Edition:

10. GU (or any other gel): I <3 my GU, don't get me wrong, but after explaining what it is to a couple non-running friends, I was a little nauseated myself. During a race I will consume 4-5 packets of gel that have the consistency of melted frosting?? (with probably the same amount of sugar). The name alone makes people go "HUH??? You eat WHAT?"... to which I reply "GU?"

9. Chaffing in "Bad" Places: It's less the chafing that makes you go "EW," and more how free runners are to explain why they're walking funny. I think we get so comfortable around runners, that when we talk to "real people" (non runners) we forget that they don't have random chaffing in "bad places" and they probbbably don't want to know about ours.

8. #1 and #2 in the Woods: Does a bear do it? Yes, but that doesn't give us the right to... or does it??? Recently I was running and had to umm, go... well apparently I don't know my poison ivy very well and manage to go right in some! The result? Poison ivy allllll over my legs and umm... behind. And let me tell you, it's not ok to itch there at the office! What's worse? I'm extremely allergic to PI and it won't go away without a steroid-- try explaining how you got poison ivy there to 2 nurses, 1 Dr, and 1 Dr that was just curious!
Side Note: Haven't told you all an embarrassing story in a while, pretty sure that fills my quota for the month!

7. Men's Blood Nipples: I don't understand it, I don't want to understand it, I don't want to see it and I want to pretend it doesn't happen. So please do us all a favor and splash some water on your shirt at water stops! Thank you and good night.

6. Men in Biking or Short Shorts!!! While we're discussing men, let's discuss the the clothing options men have and what they choose to wear instead. 1) Nobody wants to see the outline of your umm... stuff-- Say no to biker shorts! 2) FURTHER, NOBODY wants to see your STUFF itself-- ie. Short running shorts, that don't exactly cover.

5. Undie-Lined Running Shorts: Ok, I wear them too, but let's just think about this. How long do you keep your underwear? Probably a few years at most. And in that case you're not sweating like a mofo for 3-5 hours at a time in them. Somehow people think these shorts are any different? I believe running shorts have a shelf life of a year or 2 (shorter if you're a major sweater!) Also, please see item #6-- if you're not a good wiper, your shelf life just halved!
-- oh and part B: NO RE-Using running shorts without washing them! Bad!! BAD!!! NO!

4. Lip Salt/Sweat: Ok, it's a hot day and you've had a LONG run. You take a swig of water and go to wipe the excess off your mouth and what do you see on your hand? Stringy, white, filmy, stuff that has caked onto your lips, especially in the corners. It's sticky and doesn't want to come off, and boy is it gross!

3. Un-showered Flying: Now I try to do this as little as possible. HOWEVER, some of these marathons don't start til 8 or 9 and hotels have checkout at 11, 12-- 1pm if you're pushing it. Also, if you're a crazy-mega-marathoner, you usually get into the state then get out, so there is a tight flying schedule. Result? Staying salty/sweaty for hours after the race! Washing up in the airport sink, does not count as a shower.

2. Toenails (and feet in general): They turn black, purple, yellow and red. They fall off. They get serious blood blisters. They blister and blister on top of blisters, and blister on top of those blisters. They're cracked, split open and usually a few toes are starting to point in the wrong direction. Runners feet are gross!

1. Projectile Body Liquids (SBL's): This include snot rockets, split, sweat, vomit, and sometimes blood (I don't want to know). Have you had a runner pass you and something that belongs INSIDE them comes flying out at you? (Ie. a misplaced snot rocket? A girl that has a wicked swing in her stride that flings sweat 3 feet in all directions following her?) Then you, my friend, have been a victim of an SBL-- and it ain't pretty.

Just some fun stuff to think about during your next marathon/long run! Enjoyyyy...

Happy Running!


  1. hahaha LOVE this list and they are all SO SO true :-/

  2. THAT is just AWESOME!!!

  3. Ahahaha, I am CRACKING up right now!

    So true. We are a nasty bunch.

  4. Great post. I can't stop laughing!!!

    Their should be a ban on mens cheeker peakers!!!

  5. I love this post! We are a gross bunch, aren't we?!

  6. One word... Porta-lets!

    Especially when you're a back of the packer like me.

    'nuff said.

  7. kinda thought I was the only one with the gooey saltly lip fungus. Thank you for making me feel not alone...even if I'm still gross

  8. I like your list!! I ran cross country in HS and we had a shirt with a list of things that define you as a runner.. It said you know your a runner if:
    1: If your chest is as flast as your back
    2. You spit on everything but the ground

    There was a list of like 10-15 but those two were my personal favorite! :)